Setting Personal Boundaries: Essential for Self-Care and Emotional Freedom

Let’s face it, folks; we all have acquaintances, friends, and “loving” family members that overstep their reach into what we are willing (and not willing!) to accept into our lives. Many of us feel that we may be hurting someone’s feelings by not listening to them drone on about the same trials and tribulations in their work-life that they’ve been expressing for the last five years.

Other familiar examples: that relative that doesn’t seem to “get it” when you tell them to stop calling you at 12:00 midnight to talk ” about nothing in particular.” Or the parent that constantly wants to know when you’re going to start a family. Or the relative that loves to drop by – unannounced – to gossip. Or the friend that needs you NOW to help them…you get the picture.

Accept that limiting (or severing) time with a person for ignoring your boundaries is important in standing up for your peace of mind. Boundaries impact every area of our lives (physical, emotional, spiritual, financial, social). Setting personal boundaries is essential in maintaining healthy relationships!

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Yes, we want to “keep the peace” with those close to us. But not at the expense of us becoming emotionally and physically stressed and resentful. Setting personal boundaries is a very healthy way to express to others what we will and will not accept into our lives. It is not only healthy for you, but the other person may learn what is acceptable to maintain a healthy relationship with you and others.

Years ago, I purchased the book “Boundaries: When to Say YES, When to Say NO, To Take Control of Your Life.” What a game-changer for me! Doctors Henry Cloud and John Townsend are Christian clinical psychologists and popular public speakers. Their focus is on Scripture and psychology. Still in print after more than 17 years, this book applies to anyone seeking a refreshing, down-to-earth way to set positive life boundaries.

In the September 2020 issue of Health.com, author Jennifer King Lindley wrote an excellent article (“Know Your Limits”) that addresses this issue. She touches on seven important steps to take in developing your personal boundaries for your life:

“Create Your Own ‘Operating Manual'” (setting boundaries); “Be Proactive” (take responsibility for your boundaries); “Get Specific” (as implied, be specific about the parameters of your boundaries); “Practice Saying No” (example; ‘Thanks for the invite, but I’m not available’; ‘No; I can’t break my appointment to (fill in the blank); “Affirm the Relationship” (delivering the message with kindness and empathy); “Stand Your Ground” (reinforce your boundary), and the importance of enforcing these aspects of setting your boundaries.

Remember: Setting boundaries is essential in maintaining healthy relationships. We are the only ones responsible for having a holistically healthy life. Also, we have to accept that people aren’t going to always respond to our boundaries positively. You’re not responsible for managing that person’s response. Again, limiting (or severing) time with a person for ignoring your boundaries is important in standing up for your peace of mind and quality of life.

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